Archive for January, 2009

Relationship and life are about changes and it’s happening this very instant

January 30, 2009

This past week I’ve spent some time reflecting on the people in my life that I’ve some form of a relationship with. I look at relationships as a form of investment, and to some degree it actually is when you really think about it. You invest to get right? Wrong attitude. Invest to not see what you can get from them, but rather what you can give to them, because it is in giving that you’ll receive the greatest payback.  I’m fulfilled, and blessed when I invest into relationships with this attitude and dividends always come back to me, either directly or indirectly, but it returns to me. There is however a caution that must be taken as some could take that and abuse it, so using wisdom is crucial when investing in relationships.

 

 There are various types of relationships – we relate on different levels with people. Some are work related relationships, client relationships, family relationships, friends’ relationships, lovers’ relationships, partners’ relationships and so on. Whatever that relationship is, we communicate with words, and our body language to express to those we’re relating to how we feel. If the person knows us well enough they’ll be able to tell by our body language as to how we’re doing. With lovers, words are translated in the sweet language of touching, lovemaking and a look that can only be interpreted between themselves.

 

Regardless of what form a relationship take, it takes two people wanting to make it work, which requires each party investing into each other’s life. For relationships to grow it will take more than a one-time investment. We don’t plant a seed in the ground, water it once and walk away expecting the seed to produce a tree do we? Same principle applies to building a healthy relationship, we have to water it with goodness, nurture it with care, and remove weeds that might choke its growth. This is called investment my friends. As an individual you have the final say as to whether a relationship is worth your investment. Why are you doing what you’re doing? Is your investment for your own selfish gain or is it being done with unselfishness in place?

 

So as I looked at my relationships at all levels, I came to the shocking conclusion that the depth of relationship I once had has now been reduced to a surface or non-existent relationship. The connection no longer seems to be there, despite the reaching out, and making an effort, there’s that void that cannot be denied.  Being together for a number of years you’d think you have a better handle on things, but when someone or something changes you can’t undo them. Maybe, to some degree I’ve changed along the way, but you’d think changes that are healthy should strengthen what appears to be already strong?  It’s like a brick wall with “no, everything’s alright,” yet the message was clear – everything was actually all wrong but we play the game of pretense, and dance to a song without harmony, looking unified on the outside, but living on separate planets within.

 

As the days roll into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years, changes occur if you’re aware of it or not. Our circumstances change, our responsibilities change, our attitude changes, our outlook on life changes, we get married, have kids, career change, our priorities change etc.
And so it was; ready or not I suddenly awoke to this fact, and despite the feelings of sadness that accompany this realization, I had to accept that this relationship that I thought would sustain anything and stay strong for a lifetime had died.  The truth was in my face, and though I tried for a long time to deny it, to fight against it, and to justify it, I could not. I had to face the music as it were and admit that I was fighting against something that I had already lost. Accepting that I was powerless to control, alter, or change another person mind is never easy, and fighting to keep a great relationship that was once alive is not only difficult, but energy exhausting. It turns into a fight whereby I am the only real tangible body, punching ghosts that mocks me, and moves quickly away from my reach. It is simply exhausting!

 

Bottom-line, when it comes to dealing with relationships it requires two individuals participating actively to make it work. After spending weeks of talking and reasoning with my inner thoughts and feelings, I have surrendered to this truth, even though it hurts. Life is way too precious, and sometimes short, and this gift of living can be pulled any day, so despite the obvious pain, I did the right thing and moved on. It has been one of the healthiest, freeing, and sorrowful move I’ve made. Being sorrowful over the death of a life that was, that appeared too solid to be moved by anything. Healthiest because I realize the toll this fight had taken on my mind and body, and the freeing changes thereafter.

So, today if you can relate and find yourself in a similar situation, do what is healthiest for you – why whip a dying horse? Acknowledge the loss, deal with the pain, get healthy, and take your energy and find another person or people to invest yourself into, you’ll be richer for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life’s a vacation, journey and destination

January 28, 2009

Is life a vacation? journey? or destination? could life be a combo of all three? I’m on a life’s journey, vacationing and moving towards my destination? possibly! As a teenager I always lived in the moment; entertaining the concept that my life was one big vacation. As I got older and wiser:-) I realized that to me, life is a journey…I’m constantly moving, (not necessarily demographically), but if you’re alive, there’s movement…even if at times you don’t wanna move~

Life is a journey because of what I experience – good and bad, I learn from them, and learn what emotions are evoked through what I experience. In taking this journey I continue to discover things about myself that I both love and dislike. The things I love, I fuel to grow stronger, and the things about me that I dislike I am working on changing.

I’ll never find answers to a lot of questions, like why there are people in the world whose minds are so sick, that they derive pleasure from hurting people. Why so many people still die from hunger when there’s a surplus of food and money in other parts of the world that is being wasted.

Though I may never fully understand it all, I can do what I can as an individual to make a good difference. Sure talk is cheap, but action does speak louder than the “talk”.
So, as I continue in my life’s journey towards my destination (goals), and enjoy my vacation times, I aim to let my journey be one that is more giving, forgiving, loving, content and thankful.
How about you? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

It is all about personal choice

January 15, 2009

We all have equal rights to choose how each day will be – not that we have control over the events that unfold, but we have control over our attitude – good or bad.

Last night I flew into Kamloops on work related business. Though exhausted at 10:30pm I just could not settle down for a good nights’ sleep. Morning came too soon and I laid in bed after the alarm went and thought – boy, I’m tired and the minute that thought surfaced, I realized that I could carry my lazy, tired attitude out of bed and into work and seal my day by my attitude.

I decided that I’m not going to partner up with a bad attitude. I had a shower, got dressed and headed down for a cup of coffee – back in the elevator my swipe card would not work to activate my floor selection.

The desk clerk changed my card and it worked until I got to my suite and there I was – I turned back and headed down 11 floors to get a new card. This time I asked for 2…just in case!
All the while I keep saying to myself – this is a great day, I’m not going to have a bad attitude over this.
Walla, I’m in my suite – pulled up my laptop to read my morning devotion and cook my oatmeal in the microwave – it overflowed and what a mess, but hey it is still a great start to a wonderful day.

I’m glad these little hick-ups occurred this AM because it taught me a valuable lesson – I am in control of my attitude and it is up to me what I’ll allow to ruffle my feathers or not, who I’m going to partner with today as my companion – bad, good or great attitude? I’ll take the latter…how about you?

It is always too early to quit

January 8, 2009

As humans we all face situations that sometimes seem to get the better of us – we become tired of trying and not seeing any results or getting anywhere. We may glance at our neighbors or strangers in passing and wished we could either have the body they have or the man or woman connected to their arms, or their careers, or smile or something or the other.

Whatever it is, we all face those moments of wanting to quit – why bother, what’s the use right? Wrong!
Here’s why quitting should never be an option:
It will never give you the satisfaction of really knowing what you’re capable of achieving.
It leaves you in the unknown of “what ifs”.
It doesn’t give you a good feeling.

What keeps people going regardless of the obstacles that arise in their quest towards a goal? The three P’s
Plan, Persistence and Patience

 Plan

To get anywhere in life requires direction; if we don’t know where we’re going how will we know when we’ve arrived? Planning helps us to look ahead to see what will be need for the journey; it gets us mentally prepared to move ahead.

 

Persistence

Once we begin our journey we’ll need to have staying qualities; refusing to give up regardless of what obstacles or set backs may arise, we will stay the course.

 

Patience

Sometimes we can get discourage if things aren’t happening fast enough; if results are not being manifested as quickly as we’d expected. It is during these times that we need to have the fortitude of remaining steadfast without complaint because we know that if we’re following all the rules of the plan and staying the course, we will be rewarded at the end of the journey.  The results will speak for themselves.


Without planning, persistence and patience the race will be finished before the gun smoke is evaporated in the air.

Short or long term goals equally need a plan along with attitude of persistence and patience.
Keep in mind some short term goals become long term goals due to unexpected and unforeseen obstacles. Regardless, staying the course should be our only option because we’re committed to finishing at all cost.

Delays and set-backs don’t entail failure; failure comes when we make the decision to stop making movements by working the plan and disengage persistence and patience. Quitting is then engaged within our minds, and reveals itself by our outward actions.

Therefore, it is not only too early to quit, it should never be an option!