Relationship and life are about changes and it’s happening this very instant

This past week I’ve spent some time reflecting on the people in my life that I’ve some form of a relationship with. I look at relationships as a form of investment, and to some degree it actually is when you really think about it. You invest to get right? Wrong attitude. Invest to not see what you can get from them, but rather what you can give to them, because it is in giving that you’ll receive the greatest payback.  I’m fulfilled, and blessed when I invest into relationships with this attitude and dividends always come back to me, either directly or indirectly, but it returns to me. There is however a caution that must be taken as some could take that and abuse it, so using wisdom is crucial when investing in relationships.

 

 There are various types of relationships – we relate on different levels with people. Some are work related relationships, client relationships, family relationships, friends’ relationships, lovers’ relationships, partners’ relationships and so on. Whatever that relationship is, we communicate with words, and our body language to express to those we’re relating to how we feel. If the person knows us well enough they’ll be able to tell by our body language as to how we’re doing. With lovers, words are translated in the sweet language of touching, lovemaking and a look that can only be interpreted between themselves.

 

Regardless of what form a relationship take, it takes two people wanting to make it work, which requires each party investing into each other’s life. For relationships to grow it will take more than a one-time investment. We don’t plant a seed in the ground, water it once and walk away expecting the seed to produce a tree do we? Same principle applies to building a healthy relationship, we have to water it with goodness, nurture it with care, and remove weeds that might choke its growth. This is called investment my friends. As an individual you have the final say as to whether a relationship is worth your investment. Why are you doing what you’re doing? Is your investment for your own selfish gain or is it being done with unselfishness in place?

 

So as I looked at my relationships at all levels, I came to the shocking conclusion that the depth of relationship I once had has now been reduced to a surface or non-existent relationship. The connection no longer seems to be there, despite the reaching out, and making an effort, there’s that void that cannot be denied.  Being together for a number of years you’d think you have a better handle on things, but when someone or something changes you can’t undo them. Maybe, to some degree I’ve changed along the way, but you’d think changes that are healthy should strengthen what appears to be already strong?  It’s like a brick wall with “no, everything’s alright,” yet the message was clear – everything was actually all wrong but we play the game of pretense, and dance to a song without harmony, looking unified on the outside, but living on separate planets within.

 

As the days roll into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years, changes occur if you’re aware of it or not. Our circumstances change, our responsibilities change, our attitude changes, our outlook on life changes, we get married, have kids, career change, our priorities change etc.
And so it was; ready or not I suddenly awoke to this fact, and despite the feelings of sadness that accompany this realization, I had to accept that this relationship that I thought would sustain anything and stay strong for a lifetime had died.  The truth was in my face, and though I tried for a long time to deny it, to fight against it, and to justify it, I could not. I had to face the music as it were and admit that I was fighting against something that I had already lost. Accepting that I was powerless to control, alter, or change another person mind is never easy, and fighting to keep a great relationship that was once alive is not only difficult, but energy exhausting. It turns into a fight whereby I am the only real tangible body, punching ghosts that mocks me, and moves quickly away from my reach. It is simply exhausting!

 

Bottom-line, when it comes to dealing with relationships it requires two individuals participating actively to make it work. After spending weeks of talking and reasoning with my inner thoughts and feelings, I have surrendered to this truth, even though it hurts. Life is way too precious, and sometimes short, and this gift of living can be pulled any day, so despite the obvious pain, I did the right thing and moved on. It has been one of the healthiest, freeing, and sorrowful move I’ve made. Being sorrowful over the death of a life that was, that appeared too solid to be moved by anything. Healthiest because I realize the toll this fight had taken on my mind and body, and the freeing changes thereafter.

So, today if you can relate and find yourself in a similar situation, do what is healthiest for you – why whip a dying horse? Acknowledge the loss, deal with the pain, get healthy, and take your energy and find another person or people to invest yourself into, you’ll be richer for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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